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babygirl76657
babygirl76657
.:....:.

June 2014
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babygirl76657 [userpic]

I'm hating treatment right now and there isn't much that I am able to do about this feeling. I've been restricting like mad! And the part that fustrated me is that I know better. But is that really changing the fact that I shouldn't use symptoms, no. But it is making me to focus and be honest on my chech in forms. But to be truthful that part sucks because at times I feel that my treatment team uses that against me and that truly sucks

For instances yesterday I turned in my check in form into the drop box. Went into the treatment room xompleted a survey and as I was placing the survey into the drop box vanessa proceeds to ask me if I had my exchanges for the say. I was honest and told her no and that I had missed a fat and a fruit at lunch. Then Vanessa asked what was the likely hood that I was going to make up the exchange, I told her that it was a greatly because I wasn't going to arrive home until after 10 pm and I could always grab a snack when I arrived home. Well Vanessa didn't agree with me because she told me that she was going to give me a boost. I hate that. I never have given her or any of the other staff a reason not to trust me. I feel as if she took my power of chocie away from me. I hate my eating disorder with a passion and therebis nothing that I feel that I am able to do abou it and it hurts. I need support and I don't feel that I have that. Eating disorders are such lonely dieases

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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proud of u

There is something you can do about it my friend you can express your feelerings like you did by writing, you can talk to your supportive friends and your treatment team, that is what you and they are there for. I am glad you were honest and I pray you will continue to be so. Try not to look at it as they are using your honest against you but rather reconize that the fact that you feel you weren't going to make up what you needed to means that your having feelings you need to process. keep being brave, look under the anger that your feeling, there is where you will find answers as to why your having difficulty with this. it is not that you missed the exchanges that is the issue, you know the rules, it is that you were unwilling to eat something small to make up for it. Hang in there my sweet brave Sister, I am proud of you, I understand and I love you!